Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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