I'm gonna have a badass scar
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
