If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
