I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
