does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
