remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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