Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
