I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
