Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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