I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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