in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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