her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Randomize
