i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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