I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
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Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
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Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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