somebody snuck up and got me drunk
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
