Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
