their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
