The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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