I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
