Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
