I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
