i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
i think my cat just said my name.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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