I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
