My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
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my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
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I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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