I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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