well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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