fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
