bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Hippo gnu deer
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
