What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Welp...herpes.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
