Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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