i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I wanna bring you to show and tell
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
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He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
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The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
i now understand why vodka
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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