We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
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