What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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