I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
