I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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