so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
