Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Randomize