I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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