Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
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he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
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I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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