meet me or not, i'm out of control
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
