I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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