my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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