It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize