I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
