I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
