I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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