ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
