You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
