true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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