Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
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He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
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Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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