So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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