"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
