I feel like abortions should bother me more
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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