The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
