I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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