Plan B is the new Plan A
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
