I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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