I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
