You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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