His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
