I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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