hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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