I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
