I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
