I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
