Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
