had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
