dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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