my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
