over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
