i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
