Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
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I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
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I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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